I used to have fun, whimsical blog entries, my actual emotional state be damned! Or maybe not. That might just be a nostalgia-type thing.
The first of the weddings has arrived. People that I knew in high school and whose intelligence I respect are starting to get married. It's not that I'm disdainful of them. No, more power to 'em if they want to get married. But the contrast between the place where I am emotionally/developmentally/professionally and the place I associate with marriage is enormously stark.
Perhaps this has just been ingrained into me by two parents who each had a young, ill-advised marriage before getting it right, but I really don't think I could pledge my life to anything at this point. I don't even know who (or what) I am now, much less how I'm going to feel thirty (or even just ten! Or five!) years from now. Getting married fresh out of college is a ballsy thing to do. You really have to have conviction (and love or whatever, I guess). Maybe it's my lack of both of those things that makes it so hard for me to grasp.
Yes, I've said it! I'm an emotionless, indecisive robot! Watch me debate every possible option endlessly, my tiny robot brain going round and round in circles! Wheeee!
While I continue to ponder, I will continue to clean my room. Unfortunately, I'm running out of places to clean. Anyone want to hire a robot maid? You know, like on The Jetsons?
Welcome to the Indecision Club. It's a great club, except that it sucks and we never get anything done. Except agenda point #1: Sit around feeling crappy. We get that done every night.
Why don't you come out here and box up my apartment for me.